Negativity has roots

Our world has many ways of telling us looking back is wrong. “Forgive and forget” is a nasty one. We’re just not made that way. Sure, we can choose to forgive (it’s a process, not a one-time thing). But we don’t forget. Things we’re told, things done to us, things we see, all these carve shapes inside of us. Sometimes those shapes are beautiful and fruitful, and sometimes they are haunting and toxic. The latter are the ones we must attend to. If we don’t, they will find their way to smear that toxicity onto our present landscape.

If we’ve suffered trauma as kids, if we were abused, there is a lot of toxicity buried within. Our parents can’t be at fault — this is a kid’s thinking. That is untenable to a kid. Kids have to think those who care for them are big and strong and right and good. Kids need to know that. So, what do kids do in abusive situations? They blame themselves. They caused the abuse. If only they weren’t so ________ (ugly, bad, worthless, stupid, etc.). On top of this self-blame come the messages from abusive adults. They must cast blame for their actions on their kids as well.

See the problem?

We don’t just shake off these negative messages. We were not Teflon. The negativity got inside. It took root. It spread. It went from synapse to synapse and colored virtually everything we saw, heard, and thought.

But this isn’t the end of the story. There was Another present, and He was present even if no belief was in our homes. He was present, and He was active. Let’s see how.

Reflection

Allow your mind to bring forward the negative perceptions you currently struggle with, perceptions of self, others, the world, and God .

Quiet your mind and as you’re looking back, can you “hear” a different voice, one that is positive, affirming, one that seems to push back against the others?

Prayer

Dear God, I know I’ve got toxic stuff inside. I hate myself. I find myself hating others for no reason. I suspect everyone. I expect people to abandon me. I don’t stand up for myself. I abuse myself through addiction and neglect*. Happiness? Joy? Peace of mind? I don’t know how these feel, but I want to, Lord. Show me how. Amen.

***If you are suicidal or contemplating violence toward yourself or others, you must find help. Reach out to someone. We benefit from good therapists, clergy persons, help groups, and acquaintances who have chosen to heal. This site will assist you in finding God’s voice and opening yourself to His love, but know it is His will, too, that we turn to others for help.

Examine 988Lifeline to see if it may be of help to you.