Does God sigh?
I wonder how many of us wrestle with how God perceives us. We’re told in the bible that God has carved our names on His hand. We’re told He loves us so much He sent Jesus. We are told these things, but do we believe them?
I don’t. In fact, I am so insecure in God’s regard for me that I imagine myself “in the hallway,” while everyone else is coming and going in front of God. Maybe they can risk seeing what look is on His face when He sees them, but I don’t want to. I’d rather imagine the look is … well…. As I said, I don’t want to think about it.
Is this you, too? If so, what do we do?
I suggest not asking for a sign. You may get it, but take it from me, you won’t believe it either. This problem is far more complex. Signs aren’t going to solve the problem. So, what is?
Practice. Oh, I know! Yet another thing to add to our to-do list, but this one must find its way to the top. How we think God sees us reflects how we see ourselves, and this, in turn, impacts how we regard those around us. Believe me, if I’m doubting God’s regard for me, I’m doubting those around me, too! If I’m “in the hallway” for God, I just may be in the hallway for everyone, with tumultuous consequences. That’s not fair for me, and that’s certainly not fair for the people I’m around.
Okay. Practice. How? By taking a few minutes each day to pray the prayer below, nurture the awareness that this is the mindset we are dealing with, and return here to join me over the next few days in some deliberate efforts to accept what’s true rather than what we fear is true.
Reflection
How do you think God regards you? Are you comfortable in God’s presence? Are you comfortable in the presence of those around you? Is there room for improvement?
Prayer
Dear God, I’ve been back here far too often — doubting Your love for me. I’ve been dismissed before. I’ve been betrayed before. I know how cruel, how confusing human beings can be. And I understand how the insecurities trauma shoved into me can get spread onto You, but I’m tired of coming back to this very spot so often. I don’t want to doubt Your love. I don’t want to think You sigh when I come around. I want to know I am loved. Lead me to this knowledge, Lord. Amen.