I need help

“We need to wrestle a bit with what it means that we’re here, living these lives to begin with. And not with the intention of figuring out life’s ungraspable meaning but because the wrestling itself has so much to show us.”

This quotation from Outshining Trauma: A New Vision of Radical Self-Compassion by Ralph De La Rosa should motivate us a bit. We don’t have to figure out everything. We can, however, trust, that once we turn to God and say, “Okay, I’m ready. I don’t want to keep living like this,” God will begin to give us glimpses of what is possible: kindness toward ourselves and others, receptivity without so much fear, peace of mind.

Just how tight are you? Some of us are just ready for a fight! Some of us are hermits. Some of us are yes-people, allowing whatever currents to take us wherever those currents are going.

It begins with three small words: I need help. Vocalize these words to God. Do it over and over. Yes, of course, given your trauma history, you may need and benefit from professional counseling. But you need God in charge of this, and what does this mean? It means looking to God for the grace to begin and to continue. It means taking that awful risk of entertaining the possibility that God may love you, like you, and be right there, in the midst of this mess, with you.

Reflection

What debris do you need to move out of the way to turn toward God and say, “I need help?”

Prayer

Dear God, just saying, “I need help,” is hard! It makes me feel vulnerable (fearful), and then that brings on anger. Do you know how sick of being afraid I am?! Do you know how tired of being angry, hateful, suspicious, biting, and sorrowful I am? … Yes, yes You do. Help me to find some willingness to show you my heart. It’s not pretty! Help me to show it to you anyway. Amen.

Illustration by Rebecca Heaston